After the resounding success of Part 1, here is my second set of Missed the Bloody Cut reviews for 2020. . . featuring three more eccentric horror films that didn’t make the grade, but deserve to be recognized for a number of reasons anyway. Enjoy!
A weird mixture of Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None” and a low budget werewolf movie, 1974’s The Beast Must Die, directed by Paul Annett, pairs a rather engaging story with D grade scares. . . and an unusual gimmick that involves a thirty second pause before the dog days of the movie (termed a werewolf break) for the viewer to take a guess at who the beast is.
Revolving around eight people (a highly entertaining cast) who find themselves invited to the mansion of wealthy socialite and obsessive hunter Tom Newcliffe (Calvin Lockhart), the group include his oft gone wife, Caroline (Marlene Clark), the world’s most renowned lycanthrope expert, Dr. Christopher Lundgren (Peter Cushing – as always, taking things very seriously), a snooty on the outs diplomat, Bennington (Charles Gray – Blofeld from Diamonds Are Forever), a renowned pianist, Jan (Michael Gambon – Albus Dumbledore for the last six Harry Potter films), and his former student, Davina (Ciaran Madden) – who seems to gravitate right back to him after years of separation, as well as an artiste who supposedly dabbled in cannibalism and has just been released from jail, Paul Foote (Tom Chadbon), the host has summoned them as he believes one of them is a werewolf.
The guests are trapped in an impressive estate that is surrounded by an electrified fence and near endless woods that feature an ahead of its time security system – utilizing hidden cameras and microphones that all trace back to a monitoring facility, the entire process is run by security expert Pavel (Anton Diffring). Yet, despite these preventive measures, one by one, people start to die. . . making it a bit easier for our werewolf break guess. . . or is it?
Centred on an age old if engaging murder mystery premise, where this movie falls flat is its subpar horror aspects. Featuring a werewolf that looks more like a sixty-five pound German Shepherd with a personal hair stylist than any sort of full moon inspired beast, the only thing worse might just be the fact that one of the world’s most renowned hunters, Newcliffe, takes about one hundred shots at the average-paced hound, never to come close to even nicking it. . . it’s like watching a nameless, black clad henchman in a below grade action flick try his hand at hitting the hero. Opening with a pace killing action sequence that introduces the viewer to the security system, the problem is, every time a horror-centric action chase/hunt takes place, it brings the story, which is engaging enough (and is carried by a stellar cast), right down with it.
A somewhat disappointing venture that is still worth a watch due to its superlative cast, The Beast Must Die is an example of mystery done right and horror done wrong. It also features an African-Bahamian in the lead role, an intriguing move that was meant to capitalize on the then recent blaxploitation craze. So, track down this questionable horror mystery to discover if this is the rare case of finding a sheep in wolf’s clothing, rather than the other way round.
If you shuffled together The Abyss, Alien, and The Poseidon Adventure into one motion picture, what would you get? Perhaps some of you are thinking an ‘Abysmal Alien Adventure’. . . and, to some, it might seem so, as 2020’s Underwater, directed by William Eubank, is an eerily similar amalgam of the above three films (with a lot of “Alice in Wonderland” references tossed in. . . and let’s not forget a little bit of Lovecraft) that many could define as uninspired. . . but is it?
Transplanted from Alien’s Nostromo (which will rather quickly transform into the flipped SS Poseidon) to a claustrophobic underwater drilling site, a team of oceanic researchers work at the bottom of Marianas Trench to find that much desired black gold (and other natural resources). . . I don’t think Jed Clampett had to go to these lengths to get some Texas tea. Eubank wastes no time having some sort of mysterious anomaly damage the ship. . . and by damage, I mean killing nearly the entire underwater population in one fell swoop.
One of the few survivors is Norah Price (Kristen Stewart), a cynical young woman who has already had some bad luck in her life – seems like she better get used to it. Salvaging a portion of the facility by locking the barrier doors to the flooding (killing a few not lucky enough to make it in time), she fortunately finds comic relief machine Paul Abel (T.J. Miller) buried under the rubble, the level headed optimist (and calming influence) to balance out Norah, Captain Lucien (Vincent Cassel) in the empty escape pod room, a biologist doing her placement, Emily Haversham (Jessica Henwick) and engineer Liam Smith (John Gallagher Jr.) in the control room that is no longer working, as well as a few others along the way.
With no clear escape (all of the pod bays are empty in the entire facility – good job HAL) and the inability to contact the surface for help, the Captain devises a risky plan (though seemingly the only one) – to wear their pressurized suits and traverse one mile of pitch black underwater danger to make their way over to the gargantuan drilling station – the only other place there may be pods still available for evacuation. . . a plan that, at times, looks almost like a carbon copy of what is seen in The Poseidon Adventure.
Of course, it wasn’t an earthquake that got things all shook up, or any other natural disaster that has caused the chaos, but something much more sci-fi horrific. As the ragtag team make their way down the elevator to the ocean floor, these anomalies are quickly understood. . . some sort of 20 Thousand Leagues Under the Sea octopus-like alien creatures, multiplied by about 20,000, have been disturbed and awoken. . . and they seem to be hangry.
This is the type of film that will likely leave you split. . . on one hand, it does exactly what it sets out to do – a CGI/practical effects combined horror sci-fi adventure that puts you in a very nostalgic state (and does have some rather intriguing underwater visuals), while, at the same time, your mind can’t help but think that it is all a bit derivative. . . several scenes seem to be a slight tweak away from being a carbon copy of those found in the movies mentioned above (some similar face hugger scenes from Alien, an underwater swim through debris from The Poseidon Adventure. . .).
The last movie released under the 20th Century Fox name before the Disney takeover, Underwater seems like the right, if slightly cynical, title for the end of a very special era in film. A worthwhile watch that will keep your attention, it is just not the type of picture that will have you clambering back for more. So, it is up to you to figure out whether this one is fishy or not, and, if you deem it so, make sure to make your way to a pod to escape this bomb.
We’ve all heard it before. . . rock `n roll is the devil’s music. Well, in reality, it is usually just a hopeful ploy by young men to woo women, make some money, and see the world. But, what happens when an all girl group (with an attached at the hip male session player who continuously sticks around) play 80s rock? Well, then of course it’s the devil’s music. All kidding aside, you’ll get your answer in 1989’s Paganini Horror, co-written and directed by Luigi Cozzi.
Lead singer Kate (Jasmine Maimone) – a hits machine who has recently run dry, guitarist Elena (Michel Klippstein), and bassist Rita (Luana Ravegnini), are in the studio recording their newest album, though it lacks any pizzazz. Like the lamest rejects from a Bon Jovi project, the band’s manager, Lavinia (Maria Cristina Mastrangeli), knows it just won’t work. So does Daniel (Pascal Persiano), the session musician who plays drums – but mustn’t be seen, as he under contract with a rival studio. Understanding that they need a certain something that is missing, he has procured an unusual piece of music (for a massive pile of cash) from a very mysterious man, Mr. Pickett (Donald Pleasence).
What is found inside the briefcase is an unpublished piece of sheet music from famed eighteenth/nineteenth century composer Paganini (this is actually loosely based off of rumours from the time that the violin virtuoso had actually made a pact with the devil). Bringing it back to the girls, they all agree that it is exactly the jolt their careers need. In fact, Lavinia is so impressed, she hires one of the foremost horror directors, Mark Singer (Pietro Genuardi), to shoot the music video, while they are also able to talk Sylvia Hackett (Daria Nicolodi), the current owner of Paganini’s manor home, into letting them rent the spooky abode for the day.
Of course, as soon as they arrive, strange occurrences start to happen. Playing the composer’s music in his own house, evoking the contract made with the devil in the plot of their music video, and going so far as to dress up Daniel as the musician himself, soon their ranks dwindle, eerie lights come from nowhere, and holes randomly open up in the floor – it is likely only Indiana Jones would be safe. And we soon learn that there is truly no escape, as an electrical force field now surrounds the home, a barrier that forces them to put their heads together and solve the supernatural riddle. And, by put their heads together, I mean separate into groups of one and get picked off easier than shooting fish in a barrel.
A movie that starts with an intriguing premise, it soon follows every horror trope in the book. . . from the ‘let’s split up gang’ gag right out of Scooby-Doo, to the ‘oh look, there’s blood mixed with some other suspicious substance going up the stairs – let’s follow and see what it is’, you have to shake your head sometimes at just how stupid they make these characters look in so many horror movies. Further complicating things, the pacing, at times, feels awfully slow. Lagging like the brains of our protagonists’, some editing as well as a few scene changes/additions could have amplified the overall suspense and terror of the piece.
Despite this, Paganini Horror does have some really cool things going for it. On top of its intriguing premise, you just can’t go wrong with Donald Pleasence in a role large or small. Booked for a week of work, he completed all of his scenes in just three days. . . a testament to his superior work ethic – his skill immediately noticeable every time he appears onscreen. There is also the ending – what at first seems like an absolute cop-out pulls a 180, flipping the script and fooling the audience. . . a fascinating reveal that makes us look back at the whole narrative a bit differently. Lastly, I’d like to add that the Paganini mask worn is actually quite creepy, especially when matched with his golden violin with knife pop-out feature.
So, if you’re the type of person who says “I Love Rock `n Roll”, then this female-centric rock horror movie might just be for you. With the type of “Heartless” ghoul that says “Hit Me With Your Best Shot”, our female band members’ best ‘shot’ might just be to call on the ancient powers of the pharaohs and “Walk Like An Egyptian”. Plus, if my cryptic comment referencing the ending above needs any other clarification, maybe this equally confounding clue will help – “Time After Time”. Okay, now I leave. . . if any of you feel like I should just tell you what happens, “You Oughtta Know” I wouldn’t do that.
This film is available in Italian with English subtitles or in dubbed English