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Cat Me If You Can

Expect some lowlifes in the highlands – after all, don’t they say, ‘expect less rather than moor, and you won’t be disappointed’; also, look for some individuals who put the clan in clandestine. Another warning, when dealing with crypts, loch it up and throw away the key. . . okay, enough with all of this wacky wordplay and welcome to one of those intriguing gialli that uproots from their native Italy to a foreign destination (if you haven’t yet guessed Scotland, my kilty pleasure of quirky puns was for naught); namely, Seven Dead in the Cat’s Eye (1973).

Directed by Antonio Margheriti (though you will see his English name, Anthony M. Dawson, in the credits), we are transported into the gothic world of the Scottish countryside alongside Corringa (Jane Birkin), a young woman that is part of the ancient family of MacGrieff – though MacGuffin might be a better name with all of the trickery found in the plot. Making the trip to her clan’s ancestral home (actually a gothic castle named Dragonstone), what she doesn’t know is that a murder has been committed in the cavernous basement of the abode (a location that would make Bruce Wayne jealous).

Reuniting with her mother, Lady Alicia (Dana Ghia), the pair usually live in the big city, but have decided to spend the summer with their host, Lady Mary (Françoise Christophe) – Corringa’s aunt and Alicia’s sister. Struggling to maintain the excessive costs of the ominous structure, Alicia is unwilling to lend further support to her sister in this costly venture – much to her chagrin. Lady Mary is also dealing with her outrageous son, Lord James (Hiram Keller), a young man who supposedly murdered his sister as a young child. He is cared for by the eccentric Dr. Franz (Anton Diffring), likewise, he is being tutored in French by Suzanne (Doris Kunstmann) – who both live in the castle. Other frequent faces include the new live-in Priest, Father Robertson (Venantino Venantini), the local Police Inspector (Serge Gainsbourg) – a man with a seemingly sore neck who knows something is up within the castle, the resident handyman Mr. Angus (Luciano Pigozzi), as well as several other servants.

A gothic tinged giallo that definitely takes some nods from the works of Edgar Allan Poe (a little bit of incestuous romance and the crumbling infrastructure found in “The Fall of the House of Usher, and the mystery aspects of “The Murders in the Rue Morgue”), as well as the seemingly haunted house stories of yesteryear, a legend haunts the psyches of the MacGrieff family, claiming that if one of them kills a fellow family member, that person will turn into a vampire and seek revenge upon the murderer. . . of course, someone promptly dies by way of suspicious circumstances – not to be found in their tomb soon after. Throw in a ginger cat that has the awful luck of witnessing all seven deaths referenced in the title (that is, unless the feline has some sort of evil superpower), and a rogue orangutan (that looks more like a gorilla) that lives within the castle but often escapes, and you’ve got a most bizarre murder mystery on your hands.

And, of course, nothing is as it seems. Nearly every person, other than our protagonist, is not what they portray. Expect paramours, unexpected affairs, romantic trysts, prostitution, lesbianism, long hidden secrets waiting to be revealed, assumed identities, maniacal plotting, unexpected revenge, and plenty of cavorting.

With a great set-up and scrumptious visuals, Seven Dead in the Cat’s Eye is an uneven, yet still intoxicating horror tinged giallo murder mystery. Filled with off-kilter angles, secret passageways that lead to rat infested dead bodies, giant stone hearths that give off flaming light in every room, nightmarish visions of vampires, creepy crypts that should not be empty, gardens that would be stunning if not for the fact that you always feel like someone is watching you, a black gloved killer who uses a razorblade to dispatch his or her victims, and a gargoyle-like vampire family crest that continues to haunt the family, there is plenty to like here. So, head to Scotland to discover who is the cat and who is the canary, and find out if the old saying is true – success has many fathers, failure is an orphan.

Can be watched in Italian with English subtitles or in dubbed English

Seven Dead in the Cat's Eye
August 11, 2020
by Nikolai Adams
7.1
Seven Dead in the Cat's Eye
Written By:
Antonio Margheriti (story and screenplay), Giovanni Simonelli (story and screenplay), Peter Bryan (novel), Ted Rusoff (additional dialogue)
Runtime:
95 minutes
Actors:
Jane Birkin, Hiram Keller, Françoise Christophe, Venantino Venantini, Serge Gainsbourg

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