Adding horror to sex and drugs and rock `n roll, 1985’s Hard Rock Zombies, co-written and directed by Krishna Shah, was never supposed to happen – as it was only meant to be a twenty minute faux feature that would play in the background at the titular American Drive-In (a comedy released the same year). . . instead, the film maker scraped together a bit more money, and a true (and truly bad) cult classic was born.
A throw everything at it but the kitchen sink style production, the narrative is a bit of a mess, but in the best possible way. Following the burgeoning rock band Holy Moses (E.J. Curse – member of Silent Rage, Geno Andrews, Sam Mann, Mick McMains). . . their next gig, in Grand Guignol (perhaps a warning, as this terms definition is: a dramatic entertainment of a sensational or horrific nature), is where a big Columbia music exec is coming to check out their show. Ignoring a warning from a young woman, Cassie (Jennifer Coe), their manager, Ron (Ted Wells) drives them towards impending doom. . . first seen in the form of a short skirted woman, Elsa (Lisa Toothman), who invites them to stay at her dilapidated, faulty wired manor estate with the rest of her family.
German in heritage (no, that’s not ominous at all), they have a little secret that might just floor everyone – a bigger reveal than one of those doppelgänger mask tricks in the Mission: Impossible franchise. So, don’t trust the aging patriarch (Emanuel Shiplow and later Jack Bliesener), his howling wife (Susan Prevatte or Nadia – depending on how she looks), photograph obsessed son (Christopher Perkins), or their two little people grandchildren – the one being wholly disfigured (Phil Fondacaro and Vincent De Stefano).
Despite throwing up some red flags, these guys are rockers, and a little dirt and barking at the moon won’t scare them away. Though the townspeople might. Completely hating on any fun, the local Sheriff (Richard Vidan), arrests them pretty quickly for dancing around town – I know what you’re thinking, this lewd behavior cannot be tolerated! Soon, the townsfolk are banning all rock music – lucky they haven’t reached the rap craze yet.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, they’ll have to roll with the punches. . . their only backup – a cassette with a recording of their new song (which is based upon an old Latin verse that supposedly brings people back from the grave). . . it has been given to shy Cassie for safe keeping.
Played purposely as a horror comedy, there will soon be a zombie uprising, but mostly done in a tongue in cheek way. You’ll have a very controlling woman who is not too upset when her beau is beheaded. . . that is, unless another lady tries to give that severed coconut some attention; a surviving group desperately attempting to figure out a solution – should they thrust a stake through the heart, sacrifice a virgin, or create large custom cutouts of celebrity heads to confuse the fading brains of the zombies; there will be a meeting between a manager and record exec that gives new meaning to the term cutthroat; and then we have to wonder why a zombie lady in spandex is only interested in prancing around like she’s in some sort of rock themed aerobics class rather than chasing anything moving.
A silly, frivolous mess of a movie that is just way too much fun (in a bad, low budget sort of way), Hard Rock Zombies must be seen to be believed. For instance, there are creatively cool musical interludes that almost vibe like an 80s hair metal music video (combined with MJ’s “Thriller”), while the band, who eventually turn into zombies (no real spoiler – as it is literally in the title), somehow have better rhythmic timing and live concert skills after their turning (plus they come out of the ground looking like cheap zombified knock-offs of KISS). By no means a movie that should be ranked highly, it still somehow impresses, living life in the fast lane with no rules (each gonzo choice makes this one even more wild), just like rock `n roll should be. And, I must say, the music isn’t half bad. Lastly, I’ll leave you with a fun game to play if you ever watch this with some friends – try to figure out who are legit actors and who aren’t – it might be harder than you think. So, hail this one for what it is, a cheap, two-bit flick that somehow still has the skills to pay the bills.