The first Missed the Bloody Cut horror selection of this 2022, here are some horror movies that did not meet my strict criteria (a rating of 7.0 or higher). . . but are still entertaining films (horror fanatics may enjoy) that do not deserve to be ignored like the drunken, scantily clad college girl wandering off into the woods after a bush party – and that they are definitely worth a watch (just maybe not several re-watches).
Oozing its combo essence of Atomic Age terror and Universal monster horror, The Incredible Melting Man (1977), written and directed by William Sachs, combines space age scares with the backwoods skulking and creeping of a Frankenstein or Wolf Man type monster, with just a touch of zombie fervor for good measure.
With a low budget and wooden acting, Steve West (Alex Rebar) sadly becomes the Melting Man. . . after an exploration trip to Saturn goes horribly wrong (I’d hate to see what would have happened it he made it all the way to Uranus). Radiated into a melting pile of pizza-like cheese and space ring induced gaseous goo, his brain has become almost zombie-like – only interested in surviving and killing (though it might make us think of ordering a medium all dressed).
After he escapes from the military hospital, his reacquisition is tasked to his old friend, Dr. Ted Nelson (Burr DeBenning), a blunt General, Michael Perry (Myron Healey), and that’s about it (low budget, after all). With a raving, melting meat sack terrorizing the California countryside, it’s not much, and it shows. Soon, people are being eradicated by the man, including a cute elderly couple going out for dinner, who, along the way, decide to steal a few lemons on the side of the road – it’s a rather juicy murder. Don’t worry though, Dr. Nelson’s got his Geiger counter, and he’s only a day or so behind him. . . and the General should be flying into town sometime soon. By the time they get things in order, the space goo might be gone and only a bag of bones will be left (see, sometimes problems do solve themselves).
With impressive makeup effects by Rick Baker and a kitschy, 50s inspired story, this one can be deemed humourous, but we’re not quite sure if it’s on purpose. Funnily enough, it was originally intended to be a parody, but all of the comedic scenes were edited out due to production’s insistence that a straight horror film would be more lucrative, making us wonder whether it’s still actually closer to what it was meant to be rather than what it is in reality.
Despite the story being as simple as the Melting Man’s brain itself, The Incredible Melting Man is a fun if frivolous watch. Centred on its utterly impressive makeup effects, the rest might feel like his quickly decomposing frame, but it still performs the comedic horror trick (albeit a very simple one). And though it might not be incredible, it does feature a melting man, so give it a try. . . if you dare.
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Taking an angle that genetic engineering could develop into something like what we see onscreen (in other words, what could become a reality someday soon), 1980’s Scared to Death, directed by William Malone, develops an Alien; a human rattlesnake hybrid that is stronger, faster, and more cunning than anything found on planet Earth. . . oh, and did I mention that it can procreate itself?
Much like the above mentioned The Incredible Melting Man, this one is centred on a fantastic creature design, but the rest leaves a lot to be desired. Following Ted Lonergan (John Stinson), he is a former detective (a good one that always pushed the buttons of his superiors – much to their chagrin), who has now turned his talents to writing hack gumshoe detective paperbacks – the stuff dreams are made of.
He is in a new relationship with Jennifer Stanton (Diana Davidson) – impressive, when you consider that he met her by damaging her posh Jaguar in a crash. Soon though, their bliss is interrupted by Detective Lou Capell (David Moses), Lonergan’s former partner who is desperate for a new set of eyes on a mass murder case.
At first reluctant, he’s soon ensnared at the prospect of being back within his former profession, following the rather loose leads that seemingly have no connection to one another. Of course, the main reason is that this is a new genetic breed that doesn’t have the typical motives of a human being. . . the other is that it is using the sewers to travel around the city in order to stalk its prey (sometimes it feels a bit It like).
Outside of a rather cool roller skating sequence in a multi-tiered parking garage that leads to a suspenseful stalking and eventual murder, this low budget B movie is never able to ratchet up the scares, despite its impressive creature design. And, speaking of creature design, it has an inner tongue a bit like the E.T. in Alien, but this killer uses it in a much more extended, almost sensual way – slowly sucking bone marrow out of the spine by way of throat (an inspired touch).
A financial success at the box office, Scared to Death almost starred a much bigger name instead – Rick Springfield, though he pulled the plug the day before shooting due to a conflict with the acting classes he was taking in order to be taken seriously in the profession (kind of ironic). Again, this film is saved by its impressive monster design, as well as a few visual plot devices it pulls off that would later inspire some bigger name sci-fi/horror flicks. So, despite the fact you might not be scared to death, check out this Alien inspired creature feature, you might find out that you’ll have a crush on it after all.
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Who knew that when you joined a Film Society at a random California college, they let you live in a giant former murder mansion. . . well, that’s at least the case with 1983’s Frightmare (originally known as The Horror Star), written and directed by Norman Thaddeus Vane.
The said lucky students (at least for now) are caring Meg (Jennifer Starrett), and the uncaring rest: Saint (Luca Bercovici), Bobo (Scott Thomson), Eve (Carlene Olson), Donna (Donna McDaniel), Oscar (Alan Stock), and Stu (Jeffrey Combs – yes, Mr. Re-animator himself in his first horror role).
Organizing a somewhat posh evening in honour of horror legend Conrad Radzoff (Ferdy Mayne) – a perfectly hammy performance that falls somewhere between Lugosi and Karloff (with early film clips of him actually being Christopher Lee from a 1959 film called Uncle Was a Vampire), early on, the aging legend collapses. . . brought back to life by that caring Meg.
Soon though, his body gives out – but not before he brings his servant director Wolfgang (Leon Askin) along for the bumpy ride. . . the last of the living legends (and that poor servile film maker) no more.
The Film Society gang, self-centred as they are, believe there is no better way to honour the man than to steal his body and bring him to a party at their murder mansion – one of his former filming locations back in the day. What they don’t know – the actor has long dabbled in black magic that will bring him back from the great unknown if his final resting place is disturbed. . . and they more than disturb it.
It will be a rough one for the Society, as one by one, they’ll disappear. . . not really, any horror film fan with keen eyes will spot their corpses all over the house, but the others are completely oblivious to it all (we have to start wondering what the criteria for joining this college program is – as the standards seem quite low).
The visual effects are actually quite impressive (never looking cheap) – floating coffins, noxious gases, exploding final resting places, a wad of clipped cash wedged down the throat (talk about putting money where your mouth is). . . that sort of thing. It is more-so the atmosphere that lacks, as you’ll never truly get any chills or spooks while watching it. The loving homage to the original golden (as well as second) age of horror is evident, and truly worth watching for this reason alone. Fans of Dracula, the actors portraying him, and the old haunted mansion motif will find all of this oodles of frivolous fun, but its comedy overshadows the horror, never finding that important balance between the two. It is also worth noting here that every time one of the college kids return to his tacky, neon-lit crypt, a playful video featuring the thought to be dead actor appears – spewing sly, kitschy threats that always come true.
A dream to some, a Frightmare to others, this nightmarish horror comedy is the type of raffish flick that is perfect for a late night watch during the Halloween season. Fusing the haute class of the 1930s/40s Universal horror movies with the popularity of the low brow slasher sub-genre of the time, and then adding a supernatural twist, it’s quite the complex concept that is partially pulled off. So, pay homage to the greats by seeing the not so greats. . . it somehow makes perfect sense to me.