The first Missed the Bloody Cut horror selection of this 2023, here are some horror movies that did not meet my strict criteria (a rating of 7.0 or higher). . . but are still entertaining films (horror fanatics may enjoy) that do not deserve to be ignored like the dead body in the corner that college kids simply assume is their buddy sleeping off the alcohol and drugs – and that they are definitely worth a watch (just maybe not several re-watches).
From the creative mind that penned one of the most iconic movie monsters of all-time – The Wolf Man, Curt Siodmak, some fifteen years later, wrote and directed another horror adventure, Curucu, Beast of the Amazon (1956). . . sadly, to much less acclaim.
A hodgepodge of good, bad, and ugly, Rock Dean (John Bromfield) returns to the family plantation in Brazil to find all of his local workers have run off. . . supposedly the legendary monster of Curucu Falls has traveled all the way through the Amazon to kill those people who have left their land for modern employment – after seeing the falls, I think I’d be a happy monster with all that extra taxless real estate. . . plus, it doesn’t make much sense to kill all of your followers you want back, but let’s go with it.
The legend of the giant clawed bird that looks less ominous than it really is, it has clearly worked, for the plantation is useless without its employees. Returning to his father for guidance, the best plan they can come up with is to send him (his only son) deeper into the Amazon
rainforest than any other white man has gone (for some stupid reason). . . perhaps to bribe his workers to come back (which already failed), maybe to battle the fabled beast (that they don’t believe in), or likely to take some nice vacation photos – but that’s the rudimentary plan.
Yet before it can even get going, the journey is commandeered by a brash and bold doctor, Andrea Romar (Beverly Garland), who believes that the properties used by a tribe to shrink heads might in fact be a medical wonder that can help cure cancer. Outbidding Dean for the use of his trusted guide, silk shirt wearing Tupanico (Tom Payne), he will have to tag along as she calls the shots on this ambitious adventure.
Together, along with some grunt workers who will also quit – good workers are hard to find – they will face deadly creatures around every corner, and you’ll quickly learn that. . . shotgun kills scorpion, machete beats snake, blunt end of a rifle vanquishes alligators, knife beats any giant cat. . . I guess they are in no danger at all. But what of that dreaded Curucu, skulking like the killer rabbit in Monty Python? Oh, it will strike, but what is the weapon that can challenge it?
An over-stretched B story that has a few interesting things to say, when the tribe is finally found beyond the falls, they are simply looking to stave off modernization for several more decades – a rather astute observation of modernity not always being a good thing, especially for minorities. But that can’t save the trudge through the jungle, though some of the vistas almost can – as the movie was entirely shot in Brazil, making for some stunning locations (though despite this, there is some hilarious stock footage used – the piranhas are especially amusing). It’s a shame, because Bromfield exudes B movie bravado, and Garland has an intriguing co-leading role, save for the fact she is scared by everything so very often in the jungle.
A later effort from Siodmak, it misses the layers, majesty, and pure magic of his earlier efforts (he also wrote The Invisible Man Returns, I Walk with a Zombie, House of Frankenstein, and many other horror classics), but still provides a glimmer of his past. There are also a few final things worth noting: the sultry lounge dancer seen early on in the film is in fact Bromfield’s wife of the time – Larri Thomas (it’s no wonder he can’t take his eyes off of her); Siodmak still had so much film left after completion, he promptly wrote the screenplay for Love Slaves of the Amazon and brought many of the secondary actors along for the ride (it was released a year later in 1957); and lastly, Reynold Brown created a smashing poster for the film – it really is a gem! So, journey into the Amazon at your own peril – it may induce shrunken heads.
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Kevin Dornwinkle (Noel Peters): “Tis I, your friendly neighborhood INVISIBLE MANIAC!”
One of those films where you’re not quite sure if you are actually supposed to be laughing at the seeming humour found within it (but I think we are), The Invisible Maniac (1990), directed by Adam Rifkin – under his pseudonym ‘Rif Coogan’, is like a schlocky sequel to one of those original Universal movies from The Invisible Man franchise.
Meet Kevin Dornwinkle (Noel Peters) – he’s part Rick Moranis from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, part Claude Rains from The Invisible Man. From a young age he was already showing tendencies of being a perverted genius, flash forward twenty years (looks more like forty) and he claims to have invented the formula for invisibility. Presenting before his illustrious colleagues, his demonstration fails miserably. . . their ridicule leading him to go all WWE on them – leaving four of them dead.
Escaping from a mental institution, he changes his name to Kevin Smith (really) and is hired by Mrs. Cello (Stephanie Blake – yes, the Singing Nurse from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off), where he will be teaching summer school physics to a group of soon to be college teens who look like they should be in phys ed class instead. Mrs. Cello is clearly good at her job, as she also has mute janitor Henry (Jason Logan Harris) on the payroll – he too finds ways to spy on women. It will all make sense when you realize that Cello is a less than closeted perv herself.
Working by day and attempting to perfect his formula by night, he eventually succeeds. An impressive feat, the problem is that taking the serum is addictive, and it brings out your baser proclivities – meaning that peeping will be so Tom and madness will make the Mad Hatter look like child’s play. This doesn’t look good for bullheaded and prissy students Gordon (Rod Sweitzer), Vicky (Savannah), Bunny (Melissa Moore), Betty (Debra Lamb), and the rest. One thing’s for sure, the janitor is going to be busy.
Perhaps surprisingly, this is a competently made film, with the storyline and visuals being spot on. It is really the dialogue and acting that falters. Outside of Peters, who cackles right up there with the legendary Rains and devours every moment of his screen time (amazingly, he only spent one day working of the seven day shoot), the rushed script truly shows its flaws in the dialogue department. Nonetheless, the exuberance amongst the cast and crew truly shows, as it is a C movie hoot. Battles against the invisible force are cheeky (sometimes literally) fun, with wild punches being thrown, multi floor battles taking place, two deadly sandwiches coming into play, while you must also beware of flying objects. . . so many kooky premises permeating these many deadly moments.
A playful modernization of Invisible Man tropes, The Invisible Maniac might just fall into that infamous category of being so bad it’s good. Rather surprisingly, it was this very film that inspired Paul Verhoeven to make Hollow Man (not so surprising, when you really think about it). Also, note the amount of showers the women take: thirty seconds of cheerleading – shower. . . walk around the gym – shower. . . there might be a germophobe horror storyline hidden in here somewhere. A last worthy tidbit – director Rifkin was asked if he had any more footage left over, as some overseas markets needed the movie thirteen minutes longer. They cared not what it was, simply needed a certain time met. So annoyed that they didn’t care what the footage would even be about, Rifkin shot a random thirteen minute dream sequence for the janitor just to spite them – the footage survives and can be found on Vinegar Syndrome’s UHD/Blu-Ray release of the film. So, let’s help make this obscure film visible again. . . though we might just be a bit maniacal for attempting to do so.