“I’m cursed – every time a woman finds out I’ve got twenty million dollars and bad health, she falls in love with me.”
A rich, hypochondriac of a man, John Kidley (Bob Hope), haunted by a Black Widow (a murderous, marry-a-wealthy-husband-a-year type woman, not a spider), Juno Marko (Gale Sondergaard), flees her side, making his way to a beautiful health-resort-centred town called Bad Gaswasser, Switzerland, hoping that the hidden locale, nestled amongst the picturesque Alps, will help him with his supposed condition, and, more importantly, in avoiding the persistent dame – hence the 1939 film’s title, Never Say Die.
Now, of course, the quote offered at the opening is spoken by Kidley, and it references his perceived awful luck. And, to be honest, Ms. Marko is quite the woman. . . having ditched her most recent beau (she witnessed him slipping and falling off the Matterhorn from mere inches behind him – wink wink, nudge nudge), Kidley is her next mark, and it does not take her long to track the wealthy gent down once again. Here is a piece of witty dialogue from the film, emphasizing their rather amusing predicament:
Kidley: “Oh, yes. The one they said you shot.”
Marko: “It’s not true. It is a wicked, slanderous lie.”
Kidley: “Oh, I should say it is. Just because you were there and there were holes in him, Ms. Marko, there is no reason why people should. . .”
Marko: “I was acquitted. Just because I’m impulsive and quick tempered, people talk.”
Kidley: “Yes, and with you being an Olympic pistol champion.”
Written by Don Hartman, Frank Butler and icon Preston Sturges (Sullivan’s Travels; The Great McGinty), and directed by Elliott Nugent, the team adapt one of those outrageous tales that could only be seen on stage or screen. Based upon a 1912 Broadway show of the same name (and also adapted into a 1924 silent film), soon, Kidley is given the results of his gut test (a mix up, he received a similarly named dog’s results, making his doctors assume that his sky high acid levels are deadly – they give him thirty days to live).
An alternate story finds a nouveau riche Texan (Paul Harvey) marrying off his daughter, Mickey Hawkins (Martha Raye), to a financially desperate European Prince, Smirnov (Alan Mowbray) – all in the hope that the snobbish country club owners back home will finally let him in. The strong willed Mickey does not care for all the pomp, only wanting to marry her big, bulky, and dim-witted bus driver crush, Henry Munch (Andy Devine) – who literally whittles away during all of his free time.
Finding an escape in each other, Kidley marries Mickey, allowing them both to avoid their ulterior motive filled significant others, while leaving her wealthy and free to marry Henry once he dies (you clearly see the hitch). Heading off on their phony honeymoon with Henry in tow, it is the most unorthodox ménage à trois you’ll ever see. Will the ‘unbeknownst to them’ flawed plan end up working out? How will the shunned Prince and Black Widow take the news? Is whittling a sexy hobby to woo your future wife?
Though not as crisp and sharp as many of the solo driven Sturges’ features, there is still a clever charm here. . . more fun than funny, the scenario is what can best be termed light-hearted and wonderfully easy to watch. You’re likely to smile when the faux-married couple instruct poor Henry on how to kiss, or when character actor Sig Ruman (priceless in Ernst Lubitsch’s To Be or Not to Be), playing the conservative resort owner where they are honeymooning, is constantly reacting to their seemingly liberal shenanigans (i.e. introducing Henry as her fiancé when they are on their honeymoon, or when Kidley spends the night sleeping next to Henry rather than his wife. . . there is also a cheeky scene where the bellboy is asked to get involved – much to the confusion of the wide-eyed owner). Also, the word play has that adroit vaudeville flair – the climactic sequence revolves around the tongue twister “there’s a cross on the muzzle of the pistol with the bullet and a nick on the handle of the pistol with the blank”, as you can rightly imagine, in the mouths of actors like Hope and Raye, ingeniously confounding mistakes ensue.
A romantic comedy with heart, Never Say Die is a decently entertaining motion picture with a cast that clicks. Though not as funny as it truly should be (when you look at the names involved), it is comfortably pleasant and utterly fun, a premise that is sure to please, if not wholly satisfy. Fingers crossed that you’ll give this one hour and twenty two minute movie a dueller’s chance, it should not be muzzled.