Full disclosure here: the film that I am going to review today is by no means a great movie. . . it is one of those rare pictures that transcends its low budget faults, somehow equating to late-night, cheesy goodness. A cult classic out of 1984, Douglas Cheek’s C.H.U.D. is a sci-fi film parading as a horror film, or is it a horror film parading as a comedy?
Opening with a spectacular wide angle shot of a grimy, New York street in the middle of the night, a lady walks her dog, the camera slowly moving in until we only see a sewer grate, the canine and her feet (her shadow covering most of the shot). Dropping something, she reaches to retrieve it. . . and, in an instant, a giant monster-ish hand pops out from the metal cover, pulling both of the nightwalkers into the underground abyss.
But, what is ‘C.H.U.D.’? Could it be an acronym for Can’t Handle Useless Dickheads, or CornHuskers United Division, though, since the feature is set in New York, it must mean City Handles Urban Decay. . . and, if this somehow turns X-rated, it may actually stand for Crazy Horny Underwear Dealers. Alas, no, the truth is much worse (though some may see it as better) – C.H.U.D’s are Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. . . at least that is what the city officials who are covering up the disappearances are saying – but can we truly trust them, though?
The public is unaware. Those SoHo residents, like newbies George Cooper (John Heard) and his girlfriend Lauren (Kim Greist) – a photographer and model team, or soup kitchen manager A.J. ‘The Reverend’ Shepherd (Daniel Stern), are in utter danger, living their lives while a subterranean world of hungry creatures are thriving just beneath them. Though they are not completely clueless, as Cooper is investigating the disappearance of homeless people in the area (snapping shots of this oft ignored segment of society), while ‘The Reverend’ notices his numbers are dwindling at the soup kitchen, they are still unsure as to what is the cause.
Meanwhile, Captain Bosch (Christopher Curry), a man who is at his wit’s end, tries to track down his missing wife (the woman in the opening scene – actually Stern’s real life spouse Laure Mattos) while being forced to keep the ever growing occurrences under wraps, word trickling down from the top – namely; one Mr. Wilson (George Martin), a snooty, powerful know-it-all from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.
Curiosity killed the cat, as they say (though let’s hope that this is not the case), and Cooper and ‘The Reverend’ (who do not know each other) begin to investigate further, while Bosch battles his superiors whilst teaming up with the latter – a former criminal he knows well. Will cannibalism become the new norm in New York City? Will these three individuals, truly unprepared for what lies beneath, be able to help solve the mystery and save the day before it is too late? Could this be the next big Broadway hit?
A vision of 1980’s SoHo, its grimy surfaces speak to the era, amazing real-life locations that depict the city as it once was (like the original Death Wish and other such films, it is perfect for history lovers looking for an artifact from the past). Shot in the vaults beneath the Brooklyn Bridge and on the streets of SoHo, the only sets used were the inside of the couple’s apartment and the tight sewer system (which was built in a ten thousand square foot loft) – though, all of the larger underground locales are real.
As for the monsters, they are cooler than they are scary – Morlock-like beasts with glowing eyes, sharp teeth and flexible necks. You wonder how the actors didn’t chuckle when they were coming at them, but that also speaks to the film’s surprisingly stellar cast. With a pair of actors that would feature in two far more popular films (Home Alone and its sequel), it is great to watch Heard and Stern in these much earlier roles. They both have a field day with the material, thriving in this kitschy horror flick. It is an equally exciting treat to spot an early role from the great John Goodman (a flirtatious beat cop stopping in for a burger at an all-night diner early one morning), his partner, Jay Thomas of Cheers fame (in his first feature film).
Though there is a loose commentary about nuclear waste and garbage, C.H.U.D. is by no means a movie with a message – it is simply fluffy entertainment that will help pass the time nicely. Shot on a shoestring budget, it thrives thanks to the things that matter – creativity, strong acting, great locations, a cool score (by David A. Hughes) and fun story, no excess money to over-think it (meaning no bloat). So, no Contamination here, Hazard a look at this Urban horror flick, it is in no need of Disposal.