‘What Could Have Been’ is a continuing look into the reels of film history, analysing movies that could have been something special, but due to problems with script, production, budget, or any other type of issue, did not reach its full potential.
Raven Rossiter: “Fine. I want him so plastered he’ll have to join AA one A at a time.”
If you’re a huge fan of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, then this one will be a bit of a weird watch for you. . . as it is the only film the latter star appears in without his iconic straight man (the pair had dissolved their partnership in 1957). Also away from their typical Universal Studios, this one comes from Columbia. A clear take on 1958’s Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, the director Sidney Miller promptly brought forward the sci-fi comedy parody The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock (1959).
Following Artie Pinsetter (Lou Costello), like most of his characters, he is an innocent, child-like community member of Candy Rock that collects junk and tinkers as an amateur scientist in his spare time. Despite his rather shy behaviour, he is the only person to control his own job in town, as wealthy Raven Rossiter (Gale Gordon) owns every other business and is currently running for Governor.
Despite being a bit of the laughing stock of town, the fact that he is the only one not to fall under the thumb of Rossiter has led his niece Emmy Lou (Dorothy Provine) to fall madly in love with Artie. . . much to the chagrin of the all-powerful man. Desperate to marry the junk collector, after a wild accident in which she runs out of a cave oozing radiation, she magically grows to the height of at least 30 feet.
Upon telling her uncle that she has grown ‘large’, he misconstrues that sentence into thinking that Artie has accidentally knocked her up, ordering they get married immediately before a scandal breaks that could ruin his political aspirations. Soon, the military, who are running exercises in the desert area, spot her, and believe they have an alien invasion on their hands. As things get unbelievably dangerous, can their marriage survive such early trials and tribulations? Will the cleverly brained Artie actually have a chance to reverse her wild growth spurts and save his wife’s life? Or, perhaps the military might attack her before this bizarre scientific anomaly can be rectified.
Though kind of a cutesy spoof of sci-fi movies of the time – covering topics like mistaken aliens, a gimmicky robot that can communicate a bit like a basic and more simplistic version of Robby the Robot, a fear of nuclear radiation, and Cold War military preparedness, it doesn’t have the same gusto as even a middling Abbott and Costello comedy. Despite the effects actually looking quite good and somewhat realistic, you can tell Lou is not the same man he once was – not only looking older, but also missing that chubby athleticism that he once had. Meant to be Costello’s first venture into resurrecting his career as a solo actor, sadly, just after completing this picture he died of a heart attack at only 52 years of age.
Running a very easy one hour and thirteen minutes, The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock is an easy, lighthearted watch that is nothing more than basic. Though seemingly family friendly, many actually deemed this one edgy at the time, as anything related to Abbott and Costello would have played it safe and never gone after controversial jokes revolving around pregnancy, or a growing woman who ends up nude for a short time due to her uncontrollable height – hence, this was considered a bit of a risk for Lou. It is also worth highlighting the original playful poster design to advertise the movie. . . which shows the bride standing the entire height of the one sheet with poor Costello clinging on for the ride. So, if you’re a completionist who needs to see everything that relates to the legendary comedy actors Abbott and Costello, then this feature is for you – it can certainly be considered a giant in at least one way.