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Unwelcome Caller

The Coldest Caller

Ah, Death, sometimes known as the Grim Reaper, has been depicted in so very many unique ways, with the most traditional being of the lineage of Victor Sjöström – who made the silent horror film The Phantom Carriage (1921)... which then inspired his protégée Ingmar Bergman (who watched the feature every year – usually on New Year’s Eve) with making his classic Black Death plague set film The Seventh Seal (1957). Having a laugh at that always winning Reaper, the 2011 horror comedy short The Coldest Caller, written and directed by Joe Tucker, is a four minute humour-filled foray into one such harrowing scenario. Exhuming some fun in a Monty Python-like sketch (specifically Monty Python’s Meaning of Life), when the ominous list-carrying Grim Reaper (Noel Byrne) – your typically towering, hidden gaunt figure dressed in all black, arrives on the cozey doorstep of one Mrs. Evans (Sheila Reid), the punctual old lady almost seems like she has already been waiting for him all day.

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  • Calling All Demons

    We Summoned a Demon
    October 29, 2021

    Reveling somewhere between cheesy 80s horror flick and Abbott and Costello buddy comedy slapstick, the 2017 short film We Summoned a Demon, written and directed by Chris McInroy, is six minutes of pure horror comedy goodness. Following a pair of less than cool guys, Kirk (Kirk C. Johnson) and Carlos (Carlos Larotta), they are really pulling at straws. . . as they’ve decided to attempt a satanic ritual to make the former a slick talking pick-up artist (of course, it’s all about getting a girl). After a ‘slight’ blood mishap, they inadvertently summon a glowing yellow eyed demon with horns that could qualify as overcompensating (John Orr).

  • Stand On Guard

    The Second Death
    The Guard
    May 18, 2021

    By now, most film fanatics have discovered the works of playwright turned film maker Martin McDonagh, starting with the 2004 short film Six Shooter (it earned him an Oscar), he then went full length with 2008's In Bruges (it quickly became an acclaimed cult classic), next heading Stateside with the rather violent 2012 comedy Seven Psychopaths (again, garnering much praise), only for his fourth, and to date, final effort, 2017's Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, to earn multiple Academy Award nominations (including two wins. . . while many believed it should have won Best Picture as well). While we wait for his still untitled next feature (which is currently in pre-production), perhaps some of you have yet to discover his very talented brother, John Michael McDonagh. Today, I’ll introduce you to the short film that started it all, as well as the full length feature that blossomed out of it.

  • Amateur Hour

    The Amateurs
    May 13, 2021

    You just have to wonder if the overt sentimentality of a Frank Capra-type picture can’t work with a twenty-first century mindset. . . known as Capracorn, his movies were so sweet that they would even cause a perfectly healthy individual to get diabetes. Case in point, 2005's The Amateurs (sometimes known as The Moguls), a movie so obscure, a teacher makes more money in one year than it grossed at the box office. Panned by critics and never given a chance at the box office, it was relegated to a grim alternate reality akin to Pottersville. Written and directed by first time film maker Michael Traeger (sadly, this is still his only directorial credit), he follows the Capra mold, finding a rather ironic storyline to juxtapose the heart-filled tale.

  • Hughes’ Clues

    I Do
    March 9, 2021

    I have to wonder whether John Hughes ever saw the Harold Lloyd short film I Do (1921), directed by Hal Roach. . . as its story shares some striking similarities to his festive holiday classic script for Home Alone (1990), directed by Chris Columbus. A twenty-two minute ditty on a newly married couple, The Boy (Lloyd) joins in union with The Girl (Mildred Davis – who would marry Lloyd just two short years later) – a nice touch finds some early animation depicting the ceremony. Flashing forward to a year later, a gag makes us first think they may have already had their own child. . . but it is not so. . . and maybe that’s a good thing. Asked to babysit the two children of the Brother-in-Law (William Gillespie), the narrative definitely doesn’t hold anything back – as they are named The Disturbance (Jack Morgan) and The Annoyance (Jack Edwards).

  • What Could Have Been: Vampire Hookers

    March 5, 2021

    Every once in a while, you stumble upon such a film travesty, you just can’t wrap your head around how it can be so. At the 51st Academy Awards – held in 1979, “Last Dance”, a ditty from Thank God It’s Friday won Best Original Song, while the twangy rock tune, “Well, They’re Vampire Hookers. . . and blood is not all they suck”, the theme song from the American/Filipino co-production Vampire Hookers (1978), somehow didn’t even get nominated – go figure. A quirky exploitation horror comedy directed by Cirio H. Santiago, the premise is not actually half bad: furlough enjoying Navy men Tom Buckley (Bruce Fairbairn) and Terry Wayne (Trey Wilson) are fresh off the boat, looking for some fun in this undisclosed Asian locale. . . only to soon discover that, after a night of partying, their commander, CPO Taylor (Lex Winter), who was being chauffeured around the city by graveyard shift working taxi driver Julio (Leo Martinez), has gone missing.

  • Just a Minute

    One-Minute Time Machine
    February 14, 2021

    Quirkily droll with a dark tinged twist, Devon Avery’s short film One-Minute Time Machine (2014), is an honest, sci-fi infused romantic comedy revolving around the difficulties of making that first emotional connection. . . setting in motion that much desired first date. Written by Sean Crouch (a scribe on television series like Numb3rs and The 100), he sets this unusual scene in the most simple and romantic of places. . . a bench backed by a sunlit, lush green park. Sitting there (minding her own business) is Regina (Erinn Hayes), a woman who immediately catches the eye of someone walking by, James (Brian Dietzen).

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Nikolai Adams