What Could Have Been: The Creature Walks Among Us

Sometimes, a movie title can be misleading. Imagine heading to the theatre in 1960, excited to see Terence Fisher’s Hammer horror film The Brides of Dracula, only for the opening voice-over to exclaim, just a couple of seconds in, that Dracula is dead – that might be a bit of a letdown. But don’t worry, a new vampire will rise to start his own harem. I know what you must be thinking... did he immigrate to Europe from Utah? No, he’s one of those unusual, ultra kinky Europeans, but more on that later.

2022's Barbarian, which is written and directed by Zach Cregger, is a gonzo, go for broke horror thriller that needs to be seen to believe... preferably with as little known as possible, so this will be a pared-down, to the basics, as close to spoiler free review as possible. Following a guarded gal, Tess (Georgina Campbell), she has Airbnb’d a cute place in a sketchy neighbourhood in Detroit (the city takes another movie blow after others like Don’t Breathe). Arriving late at night (not truly realizing just how ramshackle the surrounding area is), she finds the lockbox holding key empty. A perfect side note for history lovers, the address of the place is 476 Barbary St. – the year the barbarians invaded ancient Rome.

The first Missed the Bloody Cut horror selection of this 2022, here are some horror movies that did not meet my strict criteria (a rating of 7.0 or higher). . . but are still entertaining films (horror fanatics may enjoy) that do not deserve to be ignored like the drunken, scantily clad college girl wandering off into the woods after a bush party – and that they are definitely worth a watch (just maybe not several re-watches).

A movie about blood-sucking parasites... if you’re thinking I’m talking about lawyers, you’d be way off track today; Ticks have become creatures that haunt the backs of our minds as we enjoy our outdoor summer activities (fears of Lyme disease and meat allergies run rampant in articles found in newspapers and online), meaning the 1993 direct-to-video cult classic directed by Tony Randel is more pertinent than ever before. Following a group of lowly teens that are a part of a program run by Holly Lambert (Rosalind Allen) and Charles Danson (Peter Scolari), the shtupping pair bring kids from inner city Los Angeles out into nature as a form of therapy and group bonding (Holly is in charge of the former, while Charles studies the latter).

A most fitting tribute to the early days of the slasher film, writer/director Ti West’s X (2022), subtly pulls from Black Christmas, Halloween, while tossing in more liberal doses from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre to bring the sub-genre back from the shadowy fringes of death and into mainstream theatres (though you could argue that this one is better suited for a classic drive-in screening). Opening with a really clever shot that pays homage to the traditional boxy 4:3 aspect ratio of years past, it actually isn’t... just some visual trickery to place us in Texas, circa 1979. Rather bluntly teasing a bloody conclusion, we then flash back twenty-four hours to our sex-crazed protagonists.

Well, this is a first. . . watching an exploitative pandemic themed film during a real life pandemic – talk about making the subject matter much more horrifyingly effective! An aggressively edgy Hong Kong feature that deservedly received the restrictive Category III rating (like the dreaded X found in many other places in the world, it means no one under the age of 18 is allowed into theatres to see it), Herman Yau’s Ebola Syndrome (1996) might make your skin crawl in more ways than one. Not for the faint of heart, the piece is centered upon a psychopathic, sex crazed lowlife criminal, Kai (Anthony Chau-Sang Wong) – who likes nothing better than schtupping his crime boss’s younger wife. Unceremoniously interrupted by the big man himself, instead of taking the harsh punishment, he decides to kill his way through man, wife, as well as bodyguard, promptly fleeing the country while leaving one witness behind – the boss’s young daughter, Lily (played as an adult by Chui Ling).