Voodoo, and Zombies, and Ghosts, Oh My

Every once in a while, you stumble upon such a film travesty, you just can’t wrap your head around how it can be so. At the 51st Academy Awards – held in 1979, “Last Dance”, a ditty from Thank God It’s Friday won Best Original Song, while the twangy rock tune, “Well, They’re Vampire Hookers. . . and blood is not all they suck”, the theme song from the American/Filipino co-production Vampire Hookers (1978), somehow didn’t even get nominated – go figure. A quirky exploitation horror comedy directed by Cirio H. Santiago, the premise is not actually half bad: furlough enjoying Navy men Tom Buckley (Bruce Fairbairn) and Terry Wayne (Trey Wilson) are fresh off the boat, looking for some fun in this undisclosed Asian locale. . . only to soon discover that, after a night of partying, their commander, CPO Taylor (Lex Winter), who was being chauffeured around the city by graveyard shift working taxi driver Julio (Leo Martinez), has gone missing.

Quirkily droll with a dark tinged twist, Devon Avery’s short film One-Minute Time Machine (2014), is an honest, sci-fi infused romantic comedy revolving around the difficulties of making that first emotional connection. . . setting in motion that much desired first date. Written by Sean Crouch (a scribe on television series like Numb3rs and The 100), he sets this unusual scene in the most simple and romantic of places. . . a bench backed by a sunlit, lush green park. Sitting there (minding her own business) is Regina (Erinn Hayes), a woman who immediately catches the eye of someone walking by, James (Brian Dietzen).

A film that, upon its initial release, failed to garner much praise (in fact, most critics despised it), or earn more than the budget in which it cost but has since been reappraised by a growing cult of fans who truly appreciate it, The Replacements (2000), directed by Howard Deutch (Pretty in Pink), is a clever sports comedy that feeds off of stereotypes, giving the audience exactly what it wants – a true underdog story. Loosely based on the 1987 NFL strike, Eddie Martel (Brett Cullen) is the prototypical conceited athlete, the cocky quarterback who is the face of the franchise and the voice of why he and his teammates need more millions. Forcing Washington Sentinels owner Edward O’Neil (Jack Warden – in his last onscreen performance) to fill the void, he woos back a coach he has previously fired, Jimmy McGinty (Gene Hackman), to recruit a new team to finish the season off (they need to win three of their last four games to make the playoffs).

As light and frivolous as a wispy summer cloud meandering across a baby blue sky, 1956's The Girl Can’t Help It, written and directed by Frank Tashlin, though perhaps at first glance not as influential (or known) as its very similar cousin from the previous year, The Seven Year Itch, is an entertaining musical comedy that had a huge impact on pop culture. . . though intriguingly not on the movie industry (but more on that later). Flipping the script slightly from the Billy Wilder classic, Tom Ewell plays a similarly twitchy man, an alcoholic press agent, Tom Miller, who ironically thinks himself an adonis despite his rather frail, nervous demeanor around women. Instead of being slightly bored in a staid marriage, he has instead lost his chance at telling his former singing sensation client Julie London (as herself) that he was falling for her – she has now moved on to bigger and better things.

If you’ve ever wanted to see what Freaky Friday mixed with Friday the 13th would look like (outside of a Wheel of Fortune ‘Before & After’ category), then you’re in luck, as 2020's Freaky, which deftly mixes horror and comedy, is for you. Co-written and directed by Christopher Landon, Millie (Kathryn Newton) is a senior in high school. . . a girl struggling with her depressed, alcoholic mother, Paula (Katie Finneran) – who is recently widowed, a group of manipulative female bullies, a prick of a teacher, Mr. Bernardi (Alan Ruck – channeling his inner Mr. Rooney), and going seemingly unnoticed by her crush, Booker Strode (Uriah Shelton). . . plus it doesn’t help that she is known as the school’s beaver – no, this isn’t some sort of hussy-infused sexual slang, she is actually their mascot (the majestic, often Canadian associated buck-toothed rodent). In fact, if it wasn’t for her two besties, Nyla (Celeste O’Connor) and Josh (Misha Osherovich), she’d be completely lost.

If you are looking for something different in the world of vampires, odds are, no matter how outrageous your vampiric fantasy, it has already been done. Above and beyond the widely known Universal and Hammer features, we’ve seen whiny teen vampires – that’s Twilight, bloodsuckers in Alaska – 30 Days of Night, an African American creature of the night – Blacula, the dangers of a ravenous armpit that loves to feed on humans – Rabid, vampires in space – Lifeforce, mechanical bug bites that transform you into the undead – Cronos, cape wearers doing kung fu – Kung Fu from Beyond the Grave, and then we have today’s feature, 1974's Vampira (a.k.a. Old Dracula). . . its secondary title an attempted American cash-in after the release of Young Frankenstein.